In intimate relationships, there’s no problem that love can’t solve.
Love can solve problems, but maintaining a marriage requires more than just love.
Every happy and long-lasting marriage needs to be nurtured, and wisdom is essential for that.
Many people take their partners for granted and do whatever they want because they’re too familiar with each other.
But they don’t realize that a small behavior can either rapidly heat up emotions or break a marriage.
If you want to grow old with your partner, regardless of how you feel about each other, you must remember the following three behaviors.
Don’t Dig Up the Past
Do you have a problem that you can’t stand about your partner?
One highly praised answer says: digging up the past. Every time you argue, you bring up the past.
Digging up the past is the most common behavior in couples’ quarrels, and it’s also the most hurtful. Many couples have ended up divorced because of it.
One couple, who owned a restaurant, failed in their business and marriage because of digging up the past.
They had worked hard to save up $12,000, and the wife wanted to buy a house. In 2003, she found a 120-square-meter house that cost $1,200 per square meter. However, the husband refused to let her borrow money from her siblings, and the house was never bought.
The wife had been holding a grudge against her husband ever since, and every time they argued, she would bring it up. The husband got tired of hearing it.
One day, they had a huge fight in the restaurant, and the wife started digging up the past again. In a fit of rage, she smashed all the bowls and plates in the restaurant.
The couple couldn’t stand each other anymore, and their business went downhill. Eventually, they got divorced.
After the divorce, the wife regretted it, realizing that she had lost both her business and her marriage. She wanted to remarry, but the feelings were gone.
Quarreling in a marriage isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Some people argue and their feelings become stronger because they communicate and solve problems during the process.
But some people argue, and their feelings only get worse because they’re just venting their emotions.
If you keep digging up the past, you’re destroying your current happiness with past regrets.
You must know that you can’t finish digging up the past, and it means your arguments will never end.
Don’t Ignore the Power of Sharing
If couples can’t share their dreams, pursuits, joys, and sorrows, their relationship has reached its limit.
Deep down, if partners lack the desire to share, their hearts will drift further apart, creating a huge gap.
One couple, who were very poor when they got married, felt happy despite their hardships because they shared their hearts.
After getting married, the husband worked hard to give his wife a better life, and the wife voluntarily became a housewife to support her husband.
As the husband’s business grew, he got busier and busier, neglecting his family. He would come home late every day, and the wife was left to take care of everything, feeling overwhelmed and trapped.
The husband didn’t share his pressures with his wife, and the wife didn’t share her frustrations with her husband. They would often explode into family conflicts, and the wife would get angry.
The husband didn’t like going home, and the wife suspected that he was having an affair. One day, she followed him and found him playing cards with friends, including a female friend.
The wife got angry and started a fight, and the husband got angry too. They ended up in the police station, and their seven-year relationship ended in a farce.
If they had shared their feelings and pressures earlier, they wouldn’t have created such a huge gap, and their marriage wouldn’t have ended in divorce.
Don’t Use “Divorce” as a Threat
In a marriage, not arguing is not human; arguing is an art.
Calmly and rationally discussing problems can often solve them.
But if you get angry and threaten to divorce, you’re not solving the problem, and you’re only making it worse.
A friend, Xiaoyan, loved to threaten her husband with divorce whenever they had conflicts.
At first, it worked, and her husband would get anxious and restrained.
But as Xiaoyan continued to use this tactic, her husband got tired of it, and it lost its effect.
One day, Xiaoyan was cooking in the kitchen and asked her husband to watch the baby.
The husband took the baby, but the baby vomited, and he put the baby on the couch to get a towel.
When Xiaoyan heard the baby crying, she rushed over, scolded her husband, and threatened to divorce him.
The husband felt guilty and angry, and he said, “Fine, let’s get divorced then!”
Xiaoyan didn’t think he was serious, but the husband went ahead and scheduled a divorce appointment.
In the end, they really got divorced, and Xiaoyan regretted it.
Using “divorce” as a threat can easily become a reality.
In a marriage, saying “I want a divorce” too often can make the other person feel hopeless and unwilling to work on the relationship.
Divorce is a result, not a method to solve problems.
Couples should not use “divorce” as a threat; instead, they should communicate and solve problems together.