Cousin and her boyfriend are always unhappy together. He constantly criticizes her appearance and her lack of money.
During arguments, he even insults her parents, leaving her shaking with anger. He rarely softens his stance.
Despite numerous breakup attempts, he always cries and promises to treat her better, making her relent.
She knows he’s a jerk, but she can’t seem to leave him.
This is the classic case of the birdcage effect.
In 1907, Professor James made a bet that he could get Professor Carlson to keep birds. He gifted him an exquisite birdcage.
Guests would visit Carlson, and he would explain the birdcage’s history repeatedly.
People convinced Carlson that having a birdcage without a bird was a waste. So, he eventually bought a bird to fill the cage.
This is the theory of the birdcage effect.
It explains the psychological tendency to add related items once we acquire something.
In relationships, we get used to having someone around and forgive the bad to savor the good times.
Even though we know we should leave a jerk, we can’t break free from the birdcage effect.
Although there’s an attachment pattern, the birdcage effect limits us from making the right choices.
We think it’s fate, but it’s just a mental habit to maintain the current relationship.
Sometimes, societal pressure makes us ignore our own feelings and conform to others’ opinions.
When dealing with a jerk, we should focus on understanding our emotional needs rather than deciding to stay or leave.
Identify what’s restricting our emotional life to find true happiness.
It’s not about the jerk; it’s about us.
Their presence reminds us to grow in love.
We can change our fate, even though it may seem predetermined.