Marriage is the closest relationship in one’s life, where two people, without blood ties, walk the farthest together. But in the daily grind of being with this most intimate person, grievances often arise.
Many people unintentionally show their worst temper to their closest ones.
In marriage, many try to change their partner to fit their own desires, forgetting about empathy and the fact that their partner also has their own personality and thoughts.
Wanting to change yourself for your partner is admirable; trying to change your partner for yourself is problematic.
So, how should two people with different personalities and thoughts in a marriage get along? Remember these three principles.
Trying to change others often leads to mutual harm.
My cousin got married in May this year, just under two months ago.
However, she already complains, “He has changed a lot since we got married. It’s like dealing with two different people. Before marriage, he was caring, attentive, replied to messages instantly, but now he barely responds and seems less concerned about me.”
As my cousin complains, she talks about her plans to practice “methods to control husband” to make him change for her, to become the ideal husband she envisions.
My cousin has fallen into a common trap many women fall into.
After marriage, men often focus on their careers, leading to a contrast that leaves women wondering if their partner still loves them.
Some women complain that their partner changed after marriage, while others think about how to change their partner.
In one marriage, the wife noticed changes in her husband and tried to “save” him. She spent a lot of effort, time, and energy in this endeavor.
However, each attempt ended in arguments, damaging their relationship.
What wives fail to realize is that marriage is not about living with a person’s strengths but about living with their flaws.
Struggling to change and maintain the status quo damages the image each has of the other and strains the relationship.
In a good marriage, partners focus on each other’s strengths and overlook their weaknesses, rather than constantly trying to change each other.
Loving partners will change their bad habits to better suit their significant other, rather than trying to change them.
In a harmonious marriage, avoid being overly critical.
Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, so there’s no need to demand perfection or have all your desires met all the time.
One friend is clumsy around the house, often causing accidents. We find it amusing when it happens to others.
But if it happens to us, we might react with complaints and frustration. However, the friend’s wife in this situation always says, “It’s okay,” with a smile.
By not trying to change each other, by respecting and being tolerant, relationships thrive, and marriages become sweeter.
The movie “Marriage Story” tells the tale of a couple who divorced because they wanted to change each other but later rekindled their love by appreciating each other’s good traits.
John found Mary boring and predictable, while Mary thought John was neglectful and indifferent. Both tried to change each other, leading to constant arguments and a strained relationship.
Later, John cheated, and their relationship hit rock bottom, leading to separation and an impending divorce.
Years later, they met again, without criticism or the desire to change each other. They began to see each other in a new light and fell in love again.
In marriage, what needs to change might not be your partner but your critical gaze.
Maybe they didn’t change; perhaps marriage wasn’t as perfect as imagined. Those who think their partner changed after marriage may lack an understanding of marriage’s essence and the capacity to make themselves happy.
In a scenario where a boy trims a girl’s vibrant roses with criticism and replaces them with tulips, the girl, realizing her mistake, discards the tulips and lets the roses bloom exuberantly.
This is how a woman in marriage should be—not changing or accepting change, but being bold, expressive, and true to herself.
May everyone find someone who embraces them, cherishes them, loves them unconditionally, willingly changes for them, yet does not demand change in return throughout their lives.