A wife found an empty tissue packet by the sink where her husband usually used.
She decided to see how long it would take for him to notice it without her reminder.
Days went by, and on the 21st day, he finally picked it up.
But instead of throwing it away, he left it on the sink.
The wife found it both amusing and annoying: “My husband is a good person but quite ‘blind’ when it comes to chores.”
Friends reacted differently:
“I’ve checked the breasts so many times that I’ve found several nodules.”
“There are no blind men, only men pretending to sleep.”
“Why do women marry men like that?”
Indeed, there are many partners who “never see household chores” in life. It’s frustrating!
Another friend complained about tidying up the house every day after marriage.
The dining table always had leftovers: used tissues, open seasoning jars, random items left around.
After taking something from a box, the partner would leave it in the middle of the room rather than putting it back.
The trash can was full but no one emptied it.
Used packaging was dropped on the floor without anyone picking it up.
Clean laundry was left unattended.
In addition, there were dirty socks everywhere, oil stains on the stove, urine stains on the toilet seat, hair in the shower drain…
“The house belongs to everyone, but chores belong to me alone.”
“I clean up every day, and it’s driving me crazy!”
Friends tried to communicate with their partners but were always countered:
“It’s just some cleaning, why are you tired?”
“If you spent this time working, you would’ve finished already!”
The feeling of endlessly doing without completing, a familiar sentiment for those burdened with household chores.
It’s frustrating!
Because of these trivial, overlooked “little things,” someone in the house is always invisible.
Such as a partner who does little work or a spoiled child.
“Always creating mess but never cleaning up.”
Some may ask: If these chores are small, why get tired?
Because:
Picking up a sesame seed is small, but doing it every day is a big deal.
Never-ending.
If everything is done promptly in 2 seconds, it’s forgotten in a blink; but if not, the one cleaning up afterward is exhausted.
Each person has limited energy for decisions, and every decision consumes energy.
Remembering to buy groceries when the fridge is empty, hanging clothes after laundry, stocking up on trash bags…
After all decisions, energy unknowingly depletes.
No wonder those doing chores often say:
“I didn’t do anything significant today, but I feel exhausted.”
Cleaning up the mess every day, maintaining the status quo, feels pointless.
No sense of accomplishment, only fatigue.
The emotional labor of repeatedly enduring grievances alone is exhausting.
Others see you sweating while doing chores, but they don’t see the emotional effort you put in to communicate and control your feelings.
The same task is more frustrating the 10th time than the 1st.
When one patiently repeats, and the partner continues to ignore, emotional fatigue accumulates until it’s unbearable.
Hence the saying:
“Behind an angry woman is usually a husband who pushes a once innocent girl to become bitter.”
“Women are naturally more attentive than men, who are naturally ‘blind’ to household chores.”
Whether this is right or wrong, there is no clear answer for now.
I used to forget to clean the hair from the shower drain after washing my hair, and my mom always had to “clean up” after me.
She would remind me: “Remember to clean it next time after showering.”
I promised each time but forgot again.
One day, I realized:
“I used to be like this too. My irresponsible actions pushed my mom to her limits.”
I suddenly understood my mom’s enduring patience.
The anger in my heart naturally dissipated.
“When my mom cared for me, I found her nagging. But when I became a mom managing the household, I finally understood her nagging.”
Indeed, some women are naturally more attentive.
But often, this attentiveness is learned through life experiences, which also applies to men.
If communication fails, how to “deal with” a partner who never changes?
“Instead of exhausting oneself, exhaust the other,” a lesson every “soft-hearted person” must learn.
Of course, the partner may not love you very much.
Or they love themselves more than you, hence the reluctance to invest in the family.
The most permanent solution is naturally “divorce.”
But not everyone is suited for divorce.
So, there are only two paths left.
Lower Expectations
A clean and tidy home is a luxury, not a necessity.
If you’re tired, wait until the floor is really dirty before sweeping, it’s okay not to make the bed, and order takeout if you’re too lazy to cook.
By following this mindset, reducing cleanliness by 20% can save 80% of the workload.
Reconcile with Yourself
I once read: Marriage is like playing chess, it’s only exciting when you meet a worthy opponent.
But finding a worthy opponent isn’t something you can force. Instead of forcing it, reconcile with yourself.
Give up expectations of your partner, and find a way of living that suits you.
Forgive yourself, to live more freely.