I once saw a saying:
“The biggest reward in life comes from relationships; the biggest challenge also comes from relationships.”
I deeply agree with this.
Our relationships with others are an unavoidable topic that accompanies us throughout our lives.
Especially in intimate relationships, the more intense the love, the easier it is to unintentionally interfere with the other person’s freedom.
As time goes on, the sense of boundary also tends to disappear.
Even the relationship may become suffocating due to excessive closeness, leading to the loss of love.
Therefore, the best intimate relationship is not about being overly close, but about maintaining a suitable distance.
The Closer the Relationship, the Easier It Is to Drift Apart
Someone once said, “Love is like sand in the palm of your hand; if you grasp it too tightly, you’ll only accelerate its loss.”
In the temple of marriage, love and being loved are beautiful gifts, but once you cross each other’s boundaries, this love will turn into a heavy burden.
I once saw a story.
A loving couple, who had been together for three years, finally announced their marriage.
However, this seemingly perfect marriage only lasted for two years before it fell apart.
It turned out that after marriage, the husband gradually fell into the “wife’s strict control.”
The wife, in the name of love, interfered with the husband’s daily life, without considering his true feelings.
From what to wear to daily routines, the husband almost lost his autonomy.
Every day, he had to respond to the wife’s messages immediately, and even a slight delay would lead to a barrage of questions and accusations.
When he went out or attended social events, he had to frequently send his location and take photos to prove his whereabouts.
During vacations, he was deprived of his precious free time and could only accompany the wife on outings, without any personal space.
In such a marriage, the husband felt like he was imprisoned, gradually developing feelings of disgust and escape.
As Shakespeare said, “Love needs space to breathe and time to grow.”
Emotions need to be left with some space to last.
Smart people understand this, and they know how to maintain a suitable distance in their relationships.
They have each other, but they’re not overly dependent; they’re independent, yet they can still support each other.
Love with Boundaries Lasts Longer
There’s a story about this.
On a cold winter night, two hedgehogs were shivering with cold.
They tried to hug each other to keep warm.
However, because they were covered in thorns, every time they got close, they would hurt each other and cause pain.
So, they would quickly separate and continue to shiver in the cold wind.
After numerous attempts and separations, the hedgehogs finally found a suitable distance, where they could keep warm without hurting each other.
This is the famous “hedgehog effect,” which tells us:
If people are too far apart, they’ll drift apart;
If they’re too close, they’ll hurt each other;
Only when the distance is just right can they be warm and cozy.
The relationship between Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan in the TV series is a warm and boundary-respecting love.
They fell in love at first sight, with only each other in their eyes.
However, in the social background of the 1980s, the constraints of the era and the shackles of traditional thinking posed a severe test to their love.
Zheng Juan was originally engaged, but fate took her fiancé away, leaving her alone.
What’s more, she was pregnant, making her a “widow” in the village.
Zhou Bingkun, out of a sense of justice and sympathy, accepted his friend’s entrustment and sent her living expenses every month.
When Zhou Bingkun first saw Zheng Juan, he was stunned, standing still for a long time.
Zheng Juan would also dress up carefully for him.
The two had already developed feelings for each other, but they never took a step over the line.
In that special era, a young man marrying a widow would be criticized by others, and Zhou’s family would not agree.
Zheng Juan waited for many years, and Zhou Bingkun couldn’t give her any promises.
Until Zhou Bingkun’s family was in trouble, and his mother fell ill, Zheng Juan took care of her without hesitation.
Zheng Juan understood Zhou Bingkun’s deep feelings, so she didn’t ask for anything in return, but instead kept a distance and waited silently.
Later, she won the recognition of Zhou’s father, and the two finally got together.
Their love didn’t have grand vows or declarations, but it had deep and lasting devotion.
They wrote a legendary love story that transcended the era and traditional thinking.
Love with boundaries can achieve long-lasting companionship.
True happiness is not short-lived passion and impulse, but a love that stands the test of time.
Good Relationships Need a Suitable Distance
Writer Bandarev once said:
“The root of all human suffering is the lack of boundary sense.”
Boundary means letting your things belong to you, and my things belong to me.
The closer the relationship, the more important it is to maintain this invisible line.
This doesn’t mean being distant from each other.
On the contrary, it helps establish a more harmonious and balanced relationship, better satisfying each other’s needs.
A friend, Lucy, and her husband’s way of getting along is a great example.
Lucy, although married, continued to work hard in her career.
Due to the nature of her job, she might be busy for half a month and couldn’t return home, and frequent business trips were a norm, but her husband didn’t blame her.
The two were often apart, but this marriage with a sense of distance made their hearts even closer.
They would often go out together, then separate at a designated location, one going left, and the other going right.
When the husband focused on his career, Lucy would hang out with her girlfriends.
Lucy enjoyed this lifestyle, working without worrying about the other person’s emotions, with mutual respect and independence.
She once asked her husband:
“Don’t you think I’m neglecting the family?”
Her husband responded calmly:
“Men and women have the right to choose their own lifestyle, and marriage doesn’t mean women have to give up everything.
Being yourself is the best you.”
Their love is so pure and beautiful:
No need for frequent questions, they can deeply trust each other;
Even when apart, their hearts are still closely connected.
As poet Roy Croft once said:
“Love is not a unifying agent that turns you into me, or me into you.
It’s you being you, and me being me.”
A happy marriage is not about two people being stuck together all day, but about establishing a love that respects each other’s space and supports each other’s growth.
Even when apart, the two hearts can still be closely connected.
Only by understanding this space can we achieve eternal companionship.
The secret to a comfortable marriage lies in grasping these two words: boundary.
Only by maintaining a sense of boundary can we give each other the right space, allowing each other to breathe and not be overly constrained.
May we all guard our inner boundaries, respect each other’s independence, and cherish understanding and tolerance, so that our relationships become a source of nourishment, rather than a burden.