When reaching middle age, people realize that the terrifying thing in marriage is not the scumbag men or affairs,
but those situations that make you suffer in silence.
After watching a movie or a TV series, each time we gain more insights into marriage.
In this world, happy marriages are mostly about harmony between spouses, filial children, and a happy family; unhappy marriages have their own shortcomings and misfortunes.
The most frightening thing in marriage is not the scumbag men or affairs, but the hidden cracks and subconscious injuries.
Visible wounds allow you to seek help from people around you and society, you can naturally divorce, but those hidden injuries leave you suffering in silence.
So, in marital relationships, what are the situations that make you “unable to leave even if you want to, unable to live well even if you try”?
Constant Cold Wars
The scary thing in marriage is not quarrels or disagreements, but emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse isolates two people, closing them off from external information and signals, causing immeasurable harm to each other and the family. The most frightening part is that this impact not only harms the partners but also the children.
This was vividly reflected in my marriage.
My husband and I met through a matchmaker, without much emotional foundation before marriage. Due to frequent separations after marriage, we now have two children, and our relationship is still in the adjustment period.
After the birth of our second child, I was busier at home, in a bad mood, dealing with various trivial matters, leading to frequent disagreements between us.
With more arguments, we got tired, didn’t want to explain, didn’t want to talk to each other. Our lives seemed to be running normally on our separate tracks, but the family was deviating from its intended path.
Living life in a lukewarm manner, raising children casually, I deliberately ignored the existence of the “husband” species, turning myself into a “jack-of-all-trades,” thinking life would be fine with or without him.
Filling my life with busy work, chaotic housework, and patching up the crumbling life. I always thought my marriage would just be like this, with cold wars, and it didn’t matter, it couldn’t get any worse.
However, the situation unfolded far beyond my expectations.
One day, I found my eldest child angry, crying alone. When I tried to talk to him, he ignored me—he unilaterally started a cold war with me.
It was then that I realized, the cold war between spouses not only damages the couple’s feelings but also affects the children’s growth.
Every couple anticipates a sweet life after marriage, hoping to weather the storms together. But many people only realize after marriage that the biggest storms in life are caused by the person who promised to shelter them from the rain.
After quarrels and disputes, yielding minimal results, eventually getting tired and disappointed with marriage.
You both are still doing things, living life, but the marriage can never return to its former passionate state.
Too Honest Partner
Marriage is our harbor, not an eternal paradise in life.
In marriage, we may be happy for a while, but we cannot be happy forever.
In marriage, two people are bound to have conflicts and contradictions, as the saying goes, “Even if the teeth and tongue get along well, they may bite each other.”
Moreover, two people who grew up in different families, received different educations, how could they live together without problems and conflicts?
But if your partner is an “honest person,” they will overlook “small issues,” thinking they are not fundamental. They easily move on, leaving you alone to be seen as making a fuss.
Why shouldn’t you marry an “honest person”?
Because those labeled as “honest people” lack cunning, cannot learn tactics, expand their social network, or seize opportunities.
This leads to their inability to navigate social situations, lack control over wealth, and hence lack advantage in interpersonal relationships or economic resources. In other words, they neither have money nor resources. So marrying such a person won’t bring material wealth.
“Honesty” also implies low emotional intelligence, these men cannot provide emotional value to you.
My colleague’s husband is known as an “honest person,” with an excellent reputation among colleagues and neighbors, but my colleague almost divorced him.
He is very enthusiastic, helping anyone in need, always busy outside. According to my colleague, “people outside are always more important, others’ matters always come before household affairs.”
My colleague’s biggest complaint was about her postpartum experience.
At that time, after giving birth to the second child, while the first child was still young, she faced physical and mental pressure. Her mother-in-law often talked about her “hardship stories” in front of her.
Sometimes feeling wronged, when she confided in her husband, he either stayed silent or said, “My mom is stating facts!” and then continued with his daily routine. Leaving her alone to feel sad and cry.
The malice of the honest and kind person, like gravel in rice or unremoved fish bones, causes unexpected pain.
These seemingly harmless honest people are good-natured and humble, eager to showcase themselves. They enjoy being liked by others, even at the expense of their family’s feelings.
These honest people can leave you emotionally shattered in a marriage.
Unwavering Bonds
Thinking about having an elderly parent and a young child, I can only endure this life slowly.
In reality, various constraints are the biggest sorrow and helplessness for middle-aged people in marriage.
I have a cousin, from a wealthy family, with a sensible son. One would think she should be enjoying her life, but last year, she escaped from that unbearable marriage in the most tragic way, bidding farewell to this cold world.
She raised three sons in her lifetime. Her second son was raised by her infertile younger sister-in-law under strong pressure from her mother-in-law. The other two sons were with her. Her husband had skills in car repair, running a successful business.
But beneath this glossy exterior, my cousin couldn’t find her happiness.
A domestically violent husband, a dominant mother-in-law, suffocated my cousin, who repeatedly mentioned to her family about her desire for a divorce, but received no support or reliance.
The most frequently asked questions were, “If you divorce, what about the two children?” “After divorce, how will you survive?” and so on.
In this marriage, she saw no hope; from her family, she felt no warmth.
She wanted to escape but couldn’t find a way out, wanted to give up but lacked the courage to leave.
Last year, after an argument with her husband, she chose to face an oncoming truck with her fragile body.
Her brief and tragic life ended abruptly, her suffocating marriage coming to a catastrophic end.
In life, with countless difficulties, there are always solutions. However, the daily tribulations in marriage can easily make one crumble.
Someone once said: What crushes you isn’t a faraway mountain, but the gravel hidden in your shoes.
Marriage is like a boat, not fearing visible wounds but dreading hidden cracks.
Encountering scumbags, experiencing affairs, you can understand the hurt clearly, and others can help you overcome it. But if you face cold wars, marry a “honest person,” or have bonds you cannot let go of, that’s when you truly suffer in silence, with no way out.
Even though they are the perpetrators, they portray themselves as victims in the eyes of the public, making your actions seem ridiculous, making you appear unreasonable.
I wish all of us can find happiness in marriage. If not, I hope you can do your best to take care of yourself.